Friday, June 1, 2012

What am I doing here...

For the past two weeks or so, I haven't experienced anything, in real life, that makes me feel truly happy. Under a lot of pressure from trying to adjust to living with my family again, after living by myself for the past year or so.

Met a new friend about two weeks ago but ever since we've met up, we haven't really been in contact with each other, well, he hasn't been in touch. I don't want to make a big deal out of it, nor do I think it was because he didn't like me. It probably has a lot to do with his personality and the fact that he'd rather be back in Japan. Whatever the reasons might be, at the end of the day, it magnifies the loneliness that I have been already feeling from missing my fantastic friends back home.

What I want to say is, I miss my friends very much, because as much as my family means to me, my lovely friends are the ones who understand me the most. I feel like ever since I moved to Canada 13 years ago, my family - except my mom - have not been with me and thus, have not watched me grow at all. It's even worse that I'm not the type that is outspoken or tries really hard to show people what I know. It is fine, but the fact that they make assumptions about me frustrates me a lot. For instance, my grandma still thinks I'm this idiotic girl who can never recognize roads and directions. It might be true that I'm not particularly good at it, but it doesn't mean I am incapable of finding my way at all. Afterall, how could I survive a trip to Japan on my own, and living by myself all this time in Toronto, without knowing how to get to places? Pfffft.

Lately, the only time I feel happy is when I whatsapp with friends back home. It's a bit hard to say everything through text but it calms me down when I talk to them. Not to mention they make me smile to myself like an idiot.

Life isn't easy to deal with when you don't have someone who understands you by your side. Not to mention I can't express this to my family at all because rather than being supportive, they would probably say something like "then go back to your friends!", or, disown me lol.

I don't belong here.

1 comment:

  1. aww nat!! i miss you! but enjoy life for every moment! Some day down the road, maybe you'll wish you could be in HK while you are in Toronto - maybe its the food, the shopping, your family, or just the atmosphere... there is most definitely something you can love about your time there!! Anyway, that being said, still miss you lots! I'm starting work on Monday! It's orientation... I'm so nervous but hope things will be okay!! <3